long pause

so I'm still confused what to do with my life...as always, i have a 100 ideas, a million diff things i want to do, and a gazillion number of excuses to not do them....sometimes i feel that maybe something's wrong with me..why the f cant i ever decide??? why cant i be like those motivated, driven people..who KNOW what they want out of life, who are HAPPY with their decision, who live life each day and not keep day dreaming about the future and trying to change the present to enable that future...

maybe its some 'childhood trauma', as everyone here in the US (and increasingly all over the world now) thinks of whenever anything in their present life goes wrong -- blame it on the past! so convenient...but it is true in a way...again, I'm torn between thinking its done-to-death and its-logical. After all, our past does shape our future. ..anyhoo..coming back to the topic...as one can see, I'm always debating between two/multiple sides to a story....and frustratingly can never come to a conclusion unless there's a looming deadline..and then i just go with my gut feeling (mostly).

I like to blame it on my own past -- my mom being a Libran. ;) and my gut feeling and my whole 'am i doing the right thing in life?' comes from dad..

speaking of dad, I'm worried....and feeling guilty...i wish i could do something more, actually BE there, just lift my parents up on my shoulders and never have them worry again about anything. Be the child they'd be so proud of that they wouldn't want anything more from the world. But sadly, its not always possible. There are disappointments, there is sadness. and there is my inability to do everything i want to do -- because there are other things, other places where i wanna be too, and i cant be at two places at once..sadly...

I just hope and pray that I see some sign, some instinct, which guides me into doing the right thing at the right time.

Also, i think I'll definitely remain in the writing industry -- as long as I can get my stupid SMS language out of my head!! aah technology -- i love u, but you've ruined me...